Pretty Ugly

CROMAGNON - Orgasm

Yeah sure, everybody prattles on about these so-called "fucked up" records alla time to the point where the term loses its edge entirely. Is it REALLY fucked up, or does it merely offend the sensibilities of the same twits who have built little Ikea record collections based on MTV or "hipness"? Shit, some people think Ween or John Zorn is/was way out there, whereas I find them to be disposable pap that stole its soul from early Zappa (former) or Carl Stalling's work on Warner Bros. cartoons (latter). Which brings me to an album that truly IS fucked up: Cromagnon's ORGASM. Before I go too deep into scribing here, for history's sake I'll point out that this sucka appeared in 1968 on ESP-disk, mavericks among mavericks in the musick biz. They brought us Sun Ra's HELLIOCENTRIC WORLDS, the first two Fugs platters, Albert Ayler's SPIRITUAL UNITY, and of course, the entire catalog of proto-punk heroes, the Godz.

Now, when you stick needle into groove that is opener, "Caledonia," you'll immediately think you're listening to Einstürzende Neubauten gone black metal... then you'll realize you're WRONG and that there were no reference points such as that available in 1968. Geezus! Is that an army of bagpipes making that infernal racket??! Wow! The next track, "Ritual Feat of the Libido," is simply "Caledonia" slowed down to 1/3 speed; it makes yer hands kinda clammy... music shouldn't scare ya right? Especially not the kind made by two guys who useta write bubblegum hits that woulda make Herman's Hermits blush??! Ooops! Shouldn't listen to those voices in your head: not only is it possible, that's exactly what's happenin'. And who are these mantra-chanting freaks cryptically referred to as their "Connecticut Tribe"? OK, you can't see me, but I'm shrugging my shoulders nervously...

Dare thou look in thee comments? Dare thou leave one?


BASTARD NOISE - Sound Engine

Coexisting alongside mothership act, power-violence pioneers Man Is the Bastard since 1991, Bastard Noise became the main focus of Eric "Throatrake" Wood with MItB's dissolution in 1997. The project originally was a collective of various members with Wood as the only constant-- but over time was pared down to thee Dynamic Duo of Wood and John Wiese (who has recently been replaced with Agoraphobic Nosebleed's Jay Randall), known for his work with Sissy Spacek (not the actress) and Heavy Seals (among countless other one-off ventures and collaborations). "Sound Engine" is a collection of works recorded between 2001-02.

Thee Noise's brand of aural rape is a perfect gateway to full-on degeneracy for those interested in dipping their pinky toe into the scree cesspool. That's not to say they won't/don't appeal to tinnitus-afflicted veterans; simply that their use of dynamics and complex layering techniques make 'em a little more palatable to the virgin ear than, say, the merciless onslaught of Government Alpha or early Merzbow. Opener "A Pedestal to Support the Invaders" is a collaboration with Jesus Philben aka Chris Dodge, founder of Slap-a-Ham Records, and ex-guitarist for Spazz and No Use for a Name. It could almost be considered an ambient piece if not for the unnerving blasts of feedback that cut in and out between warm, low-end tones. Still, nothin' that the average fan of "Sister Ray" shouldn't find relatively digestible. The same cannot be said about "Killing Stick-Men" which, despite beginning with some subtle drones, quickly devolves into inhuman shrieks that will test your endurance for high frequencies-- again though, no big whoop, 'tis but three and a half minutes long.

To these ears, thee pièce de résistance is "Human Denial," a collaboration by mail with Japanoise Terrorist, Guilty Connector, aka Kohei Nakagawa. The only track to feature Ol' Throatrake's patented grunts, the piece is fulla twists and turns without descending into chaos. Expect the unexpected here-- subtle ringing tones that could ALMOST be described as beautiful give way to ever-building gobs of distortion with expertly executed panning bringing different light/dark elements in 'n' out of the foreground. If this cut doesn't bring you over to the dark side, you're either a big ol' puss or a hopeless case, I'm afraid. Or worst of all, somehow convinced you're "well-adjusted"... hahahaha!

In comments for those made of sterner stuff.