Deeper Purple

TOMMY BOLIN - Teaser

Dunno if it was Circus or Shit Parader or one o' them masturbatory guitar hero mags, but as a 14 year-old wannabe axe-master I KNEW I hadda get this album: Lookit this guy! Hair almost down to his waist with multiple dayglo colors, a sharktooth earring... geetar slung down to his knees-- he HAD to be the shit! Plus, he'd replaced thee vaunted Ritchie Blackmore in Deep Purple and had gone toe-to-toe with Billy Cobham and Alphonse Mouzon-- jazz fusion cats, so he must be possessed of badassery (as far as his replacing Joe Walsh in the James Gang: not hard to fill the shoes of someone who's walked barefoot all his life)! 'Sides, I'd already mastered some Yardbirds, Jeff Beck's "Truth" LP and Slughand Crapton with the Bluesbreakers-- obviously I was ready to enter thee Realm of thee Virtuosos, right?

My guitar teacher (RIP you shreddin' motherfucker) simply laughed: "Dude, even if you could conquer this stuff, there ain't a drummer or bass player for 500 miles that'd be able to jam with ya on it." Crestfallen but persistent, I managed to convince him to show me a buncha Bolin licks anyway-- which is why I can fake jazz to this day... if not with a whole lotta competence. Anyway, enough about me-- for a minute there I almost did some "personal thoughts" blogging-type shit (!!). Let's talk some Tommy Bolin!

Knowing what I do now, it's amazing, if not a downright goddamn miracle, that this opus is as good as it is. Tommy is backed by a who's who of People I Wouldn't Cross the Street to Spit On: Davids Foster & Sanborn, Jan "Miami Vice" Hammer, Phil Collins and Jeff "Toto" Porcaro... session hacks and "professionals," every damn last boring one of 'em. Luckily I was ignorant of such things or chances are after readin' the credits it woulda gone back in the bin... with Extreme Prejudice. Glad I didn't though-- "Teaser" is kinda like "They Only Come Out"-era Edgar Winter Group if they were any good (which they were not); it covers a myriad of styles, yet maintains a cohesiveness that, if nothing else, is a credit to the strong personality of Mr. Bolin. Opener "The Grind," immediately brings to mind a Bolan with a slightly different spelling: Marc. It's a killer lil' boogie with a bit o' glam sluttiness snuck in and some incendiary slide licks in the coda. "Homeward Strut" (the one I wanted to learn to play) could pass for Mahavishnu if they'd had any taste; yup, it's pure jazz fusion, but it has a Steve McQueen action flick soundtrack vibe (hopefully alla these musty references ain't Greek to y'all). A long-time fave is "People, People," a pseudo-reggae number with a groove so fat its ass musta been dragging all over the studio. What's most impressive is that even when he dives headfirst into full-on Guitar Hero mode (not the fucking video game!), Bolin's playing is ever-economical-- a note is never wasted. And that, kats & kitties, is why I'm scribing about Tommy Bolin-- not Al DiMeola.

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NEW BOMB TURKS - The Big Combo [Singles/Outtakes 1994-98]

Say whatcha will about their Epitaph era-- I happen to like "At Rope's End," and I betcha I hate Epitaph Records more'n any ten of ya combined. Shee-it, I didn't like Bad Religion even back when they were supposedly "good." But fuck all that, what we got here is 16 sizzlin' slabs of primo raunch courtesy of Columbus, Ohio's finest garage punk combo (if yer still in the dark bout the Turks, go away 'n' slap yer pud around to yer hentai, loser). You shall thrill to their über-snotty rip through the Nubs' (KBD-resurrected) classic, "Job" that absolutely destroys the original (don't believe me? Compare Mr./Ms. Doubting Thomas). You will gasp in awe at the pulverizing blasts of live snort-- especially the frenzied version of DESTROY-OH-BOY's "Tail Crush"; and lest I forget, there's never been a band more worthy of attacking the Pagans' chestnut, "Eyes of Satan"-- and that's exactly what they do, Slim. This is music for hip-swivellin' and knuckle-dustin'-- and best of all, it all sounds the same, what could be better??!

The Damage:

1 Stick It Out
2 Feel It
3 (Still) Never Will
4 Slung Jury
5 Bachelor's High
6 Professional Againster
7 Jivin' Sister Fanny
8 Streamline Yr Skull
9 Job
10 Veronica Lake
11 Don't Kimosabe Me
12 Fuck It
13 So Long Silver Lining (Live)
14 Hammerless Nail (Live)
15 Tail Crush (Live)
16 Eyes of Satan

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